Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Random Thoughts About This Season of Life

It isn't often than I just fire off a bunch of random thoughts in a blog.  Generally I try to write something structured, short, and of some meaning or benefit to someone.  But the weather is cloudy today and my brain isn't functioning in a very organized manner.  I really don't expect anyone to read or benefit from anything I write here, but I make it available to you if you are even remotely curious. 

Maybe I'm writing because I feel a little disconnected today.  With Facebook, Twitter, email, and a blog, you might wonder how that's even possible.  I have spent much of the day by myself (not alone, though, as Jesus is always a comforting presence in my life).  The kids are home now and settled into their afternoon routine of snacks, TV, and homework.  We are looking forward to a quiet evening at home but haven't yet figured out what to have for dinner.

I have had a lot of lengthy conversations with God lately about ministry, writing, and where my life is headed.  Having recently finished reading Pathway to Purpose for Women by Katie Brazelton, I am more excited than ever about the possibilities that lie ahead.  For the past four and a half years I have been on a journey to find my purpose, and I believe that a speaking and writing ministry is the direction God would have me go.  How can I know for sure?  How can any of us know for sure except for the peace that He gives us and the passion that burns deep within to do His work?  I know that if I am embarking on the path God has chosen for me, He will provide for my every need even if logic says I cannot afford to do this.  Ever since I left my full-time ministry position at Central, we have trusted God for His provision for our family.  Money has been tight on one salary, but God has met our needs day by day and allowed me the privilege of being home with my kids, writing my books, and encouraging others with my online devotionals.  It has been said that when you find something you love, you'll do it for free.  It's true -- and I've been doing it for free a long time.

What I am doing -- choosing unemployment, watching every penny, praying my family from paycheck to paycheck, publishing a second book, and launching a ministry -- doesn't make sense according to human logic.  I know there are those who would criticize me for NOT working, but I know I am right where God wants me to be.  He never promised it would be easy, but this has been the most fulfilling and rewarding four and a half years of my life!  Every day with Him has been a new adventure, a thrill ride even the meanest roller coaster cannot match, and some days I feel as though I am hanging on for dear life.  Yet I know that I am safe in Him and He will never let me go.  Don't get me wrong.  There are times I have absolutely gotten frustrated with God and tried everything I could do to find employment, consulting work, etc., but He has shut every door I have attempted to go through and continues to say, "Trust Me."

One thing I do know, my heart's desire is to positively impact and encourage my sphere of influence with the Word of God, whether through my books, blogs, or at speaking events.  I pray that God will open doors to allow that to happen.  Please pray that He does.  Please let others know my heart.  I am not in this alone -- I am counting on God's people to catch the vision God has given me and help me reach our world, one person at a time.

No matter what happens, God knows that I am completely His.  Whether or not this ministry succeeds is totally His call.  But I will not be silent.  I will continue to write, share, and live the truths He has given all of us in His Word.  Will you join me?  Will you surrender yourself wholly to Him and ask Him to reveal His purposes for your life?  I promise you, you will be in for the ride of your life!

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